In traditional marriage vows, there is typically a line about “in sickness and in health,” along with “until death do us part.” But what if you could actually help your significant other through sickness to health? What if death didn’t part you so soon?
Mary Boss faced this situation when her husband of 16 years, Gary DeGrande, needed a new kidney. DeGrande was born with a 50-50 chance of developing polycystic kidney disease (PKD), a genetically inherited condition. In most patients, PKD leads to significant cyst development in the kidneys and a loss of kidney function. Over time, DeGrande’s kidneys would have begun to falter and eventually fail altogether. Without a transplant, DeGrande faced a lifetime of dialysis, something he watched his own father struggle with, and the possibility of death.
“It’s a gradual disease that I have known about since I was 12. Both of my sisters also have it,” says DeGrande. “By the time I was ready for a transplant, I was down to around 15 percent kidney function. I was always tired and didn’t have the energy or stamina that I used to have.”
That’s where DeGrande’s wife, Mary Boss, comes in.
“Gary’s younger sister had a transplant a number of years earlier, and her husband was the donor,” says Boss. “I think that’s what probably put that idea in my mind; I wanted to do the same thing. Many years ago, you had to be a perfect match to be a kidney donor. Now, you need to make sure that you’re not a mismatch with your blood type and [make] sure that you don’t have any antibodies that would fight each other.”
Boss voluntarily underwent rigorous testing at the Mayo Clinic in order to determine if she could save her husband’s life. At first, the doctors at Mayo didn’t give Boss the answer she was looking for. “I had the right blood type, but originally I was turned down because they found that I had a high potassium reading,” she explains. “It was kind of a freak thing, and they couldn’t really tell me anything else other than that I [couldn’t] be a donor…I was devastated and wouldn’t accept the diagnoses.” The Mayo physicians told Boss they might reconsider if she returned with a lower potassium reading—so she set about changing her lifestyle, and was eventually accepted as a donor.
On August 18, 2005, DeGrande and Boss sat in a waiting room together, preparing to go under the knife. Although the transplant was deemed a relatively safe surgery, there would be no guarantee of success.
“It was quite dramatic, because we both checked in for surgery at the same time. They took Gary off in one area, and they took me off in another area,” Boss recalls.
The procedure went smoothly. Boss remembers, “We were told that as soon as Gary came to, his first question was, ‘How is Mary?’”
With the procedure done, and connected to his wife in a new way, DeGrande recalls noticing a difference almost instantly. “It was still major surgery; I was in the hospital for five days,” he says. “But it was a tremendous burst of energy almost overnight. I went from about 15 percent kidney function to near 100 percent.”
The road to recovery wouldn’t be easy, but the couple vowed to do it together. Now, nine years later, DeGrande is able to live the life they dreamed they could have. “I feel great. We’ve been scuba diving, we’ve been traveling, I’ve been able to garden,” says DeGrande, who adds that he is now president of the Minnesota Water Garden Society and spends as much time as he can in the garden.
“We didn’t know going into this what the outcome would be. Every dive we would be on, we would say, ‘This might be the last time,’” Boss says. “It’s rare that you’re given the opportunity to really make someone well again.”
“People afterwards told me I am brave, but for me it really wasn’t about being brave. It was about being thankful that I could help him,” she says. “If you have a child or family member that is sick, you think, ‘If only I could make them well.’ This was one of those rare opportunities in which I could do that.”
